


Loving for Money

by cmk



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-01-16
Updated: 2014-01-16
Packaged: 2018-01-08 22:28:30
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 9,510
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1138165
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cmk/pseuds/cmk
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>My name's Eleanor. Yes, that's right. Eleanor Calder. No, I'm not a twin, or a triplet, or any of those other crazy stories you people come up with. I'm just me. But I do have a secret, and I think you all already know what it is. I'm not a bad person, I didn't plan on it becoming such a huge controversy. It just.. happened. I needed the money, and he needed the exposure. It sounded like a good idea at the time. Looking back, had I just said no, had I declined the ridiculous offer, I could have saved a lot of people a world full of hurt. Lives, even. But I didn't mean for it to happen. And it's time you all understand why I chose the route I did. It's time for you all to understand why I chose to help Louis, and why I chose to love for money.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Beginning

August 17th, 2011

Dear Journal,

Something strange happened today. I'm not sure what to make of it, and I hope that writing to you will help me sort through it in my head.

I was walking through the city today, completely minding my own business. Maybe a little too much, as I absent-mindedly stumbled into a boy walking in the opposite direction. He was walking next to another boy (who had extremely curly hair, by the way), and I dropped my books all over the sidewalk in front of the pair. I frantically bent down and tried to pick them up, and the two boys kindly helped, muttering a series of apologies, even though the run-in was my fault entirely.

When I stood up again, both boys were staring at me, and I couldn't help but notice the piercing green eyes of the curly-haired one, and the deep blue eyes of the one I had run into. I felt my breath hitch in my throat just from taking in the sight of two boys who were so.. beautiful. Before I could even say thank to you to the two boys, a bulky man wearing a pair of sunglasses and all black clothing came from behind them and ushered them around me, pushing them out of my sight.

I began to walk again towards my destination, when I heard something being called from behind me.

"Excuse me! Miss!"

I looked around and the bulky man was coming towards me. I felt anxious, as he looked a bit scary, but he only walked up to me on the busy street and handed me a business card. "Would you please give me a call? I have some questions I'd like to ask you." Was all he said before turning and jogging back to the two boys.

I went about my day and now I'm here, writing to you, because I'm not entirely sure what to do. I don't know what he wanted, but I'm curious. I think I'll give him a call tomorrow. I'll let you know what he says.

Eleanor x


	2. Journal Entry 1

August 18th, 2011

I called the bulky man today. He told me his name was Joe. So from here on out, I will be referring to him as Joe. What Joe had to say still doesn't make much sense to me.

When I called, I told him who I was. By his tone of voice, it sounded like he was able to remember me, for which I was grateful, (I really didn't want to look silly and have this end up being a hoax), but thankfully it wasn't. He asked for my name, and I told him it was Eleanor Calder.

He asked me a few odd questions, like my age, what town I lived in, and what I was currently doing. I told him I was 19, living in Manchester, attending uni. That seemed to satisfy him.

When I asked what he wanted me to call him for, he said that he had a potentional job opportunity for me. I took a glance at his business card, which read "Joe Mansfield - Manager", and asked what the job would be for. I was happy, if I'm being honest, because money has been extremely tight lately.

He told me he wanted to speak to me in person to make sure that I would be fit for the job. He wants me to meet him at his office tomorrow. This is all going so fast, and it's so random, that I'm not sure how to feel about it. But, whatever it is, it's a job, and that's something that I desperately need.

After a minute of comtemplating I agreed to meet him at his office for an interview at noon tomorrow. Just think, if all goes well, I might be a working women by this time tomorrow.

Eleanor x


	3. Journal Entry 2

August 20th, 2011

I met with Joe today at his office. I left around 11:30, and arrived around 12:15, because I got lost on the way. Joe didn't seem to mind, though. He seemed very understanding about it.

I tried to dress nicely for the interview, wearing a pair of black tights, a long white tunic, and my favorite pair of short boots. The weather here has been a little chilly lately. After having looked in the mirror for the fifth time, I set off on my way. I was irrationally nervous, and I think a big part of that was because I wasn't entirely sure that I would be fit for whatever job they were searching for. I was terrifed of not being good enough.

When I got there, the inside of the building was perfectly white and crisp. The tile floors sparkled with a beautiful paleness that reminded me off a fresh snowfall in the winter. The leather furniture sitting in the waiting room matched the clean, white walls that lined the whole room. Even the receptionist was wearing a white dress with white heels. The whole room was perfectly decorated, the soft hum of jazz music completing the atmostphere.

I walked up to the receptionist and told her my name. She looked up at me through her thick-rimmed glasses and pushed a button on the desk without saying a word to me. I thought that was very rude.

I showed myself to a seat on one of the white couches, absolutely paranoid that I would dirty it up somehow. I picked up a magazine from the glass coffee table, and mindlessly flipped through it, all the while trying to surpress the nerves in my stomach.

I heard a large door open and looked up to be greeted by the bulky man, who I now know as Joe. Following closely behind him were the two boys I had run into. They both looked upset, and the one with the blue eyes seemed to be trying to comfort the one with green eyes. He was lightly hanging on to the hand of the curly-haired boy, and seemed to be whispering words of consolation to him as they neared me. The blue eyed-boy looked towards me and offered a small smile. I reciprocated.

"Eleanor," Joe greeted me. "Thank you for coming."

I nodded my head, but kept my eyes on the boys behind him. He must have seen me noticing them, because he immediately introduced them. "This is Harry," he said pointing to the curly-haired boy, "and this is Louis."

Harry never said a word to me, and he never made eye contact with me. 

"Follow me, Eleanor."

I did as I as told and followed Joe and the two boys back behind the large oak door.

Joe's office was just as crisp as the lounge area, and he led me to a cluster of white leather chairs in the corner of the office. Four, to be exact. The chairs were in a square formation: Joe sat in the chair next to me, and Louis and Harry sat across from us, Louis still lightly gripping Harry's hand.

Harry still never looked at me, and I thought it was such a shame, because his eyes were so pretty. I could have sworn I saw a tear fall, too. 

"Eleanor," Joe started. "Before we begin, I have some paperwork that needs to be signed." 

I thought that was strange, since I was only interviewing. 

He slid over a packet of documents, which I couldn't be bothered to read through completely. He told me that the paperwork was to ensure that everything that was said in the interview remained in that room, and if I spoke of it, he and his team could sue me for everything I have. He made it clear that they would win, too. I'm not sure what I was thinking, I should have walked out right then, but I couldn't. I signed the papers. 

He went on to ask me about my life, my morals, my values, my hobbies, etc. It was actually a strange interview, as he never once asked me about job qualifications. The whole time we talked I couldn't help but notice Louis and Harry still sitting silenty across from me. The two boys looked tired, hopeless, and devastated. As Joe kept talking, I wondered to myself what could cause such heartbreak. 

For some reason it hadn't struck me as odd that he hadn't mentioned what the job was for yet. It was towards the end of the interview when I finally interjected. I said, "Excuse me, Joe, but what exactly is the position you would be hiring me for?" 

He paused his sentence at that point and looked to Louis, who then spoke for the first time all day. 

"The position.." he began, "is to be my girlfriend." 

At first I thought he was kidding, so I let out an awkward laugh that nobody else in the room reciprocated. It was then that I realized this boy was not joking. 

"I'm sorry, what?" I had to mask my amusement. The whole thing was absurd. 

"Remember," Joe had to remind me. "You signed the papers." He then went on to explain the situation, and that was when I realized why the two boys looked so hurt all day - especially Harry. Joe told me that the boys needed a cover, someone to help them out to stop all the "gay" rumors, as he called them. I highly disagreed with his word choice. 

He said that Louis and Harry had a special relationship, but it wouldn't be accepted in the public eye. I also disagreed with that. 

Joe went on to say that Harry and Louis' relationship was to be kept completely quiet, and that they were hardly even aloud to sit next to each other in interviews or press conferences anymore. He said the public knew too much, and in order to keep their fanbase, something had to be done. Joe firmly believes that if Louis and Harry were to be found out, they would lose their fame almost instantly. 

I kept looking over to Louis and Harry as Joe was explaining it, but neither would look me in the eye. I can't imagine what they must be feeling right now. I left the interview with uncertainty, and I hadn't given them an answer as to what my decision would be. 

They told me to call by tomorrow, because if I accepted, we would need to start work right away.

I can't be the person who keeps two people apart. How could anyone do that? I need some serious time to think, but between you and me, I don't think I'm going to accept. I just can't do that to those boys. 

Eleanor x


	4. Journal Entry 2.5

August 20th, 2011 - afternoon

A few hours after I got back from my interview, I got a call from Louis. I have to say, that's something I really wasn't expecting. It's about 9 o'clock now, and in order for you to understand the purpose of his call, I'll do my best to remember the exact dialogue of the conversation. 

"Hey Eleanor," he started. "First, I just want to thank you for coming out today. I know the whole thing must have seemed crazy, but thanks for coming anyway." I didn't have anything to say to that, he continued. "What uh.. where are your thoughts at on the whole thing?" I told him honestly.

I said, "Louis, you guys seem really nice, and you seem to really care for each other, and I think it's crazy that they're making you do this. I don't want to be the person who comes between you and Harry, even if it is just for show. I don't know if I could handle that, and I hardly doubt you two could, either." 

He was silent for a moment after that. When he spoke next, it was a hushed whipser, and it gave me the impression that he was trying not to be heard. He asked if he could meet me somewhere. I don't know what I was thinking, but I agreed. 

An hour or so later, at around 5, I met him in a park near where Joe's office was. He was sitting on a bench with sunglasses, a beanie, and a hoodie on, and he looked like he was trying to conceal himself in the best way he could. I sat down on the bench. 

"I shouldn't have asked you to come," he started, without looking at me. "but you have to understand." 

It was then that he took off his sunglasses and really looked at me for the first time. He looked straight into my eyes and started talking about him and Harry and management. 

"Harry and I knew from the minute we met that we had a special connection. At first it was just a friendship, but somewhere along the lines it became more than that. I love him more than I love anything in the world, Eleanor, and you have to understand that. Do you understand that?" I nodded at his question, because I truly did understand that. He went on. "Good. Because he's my whole world. When we started on the X Factor, we had no idea how much our success would sky rocket in such a short amount of time. We were put in a band and named ourselves One Direction, as I'm sure you know." 

I felt embarrassed at that point, because it hadn't occurred to me who these boys were. I had no idea they were part of One Direction. I didn't know who the band was, and I never had any interest in it. I had heard their name once or twice but never thought anything of it. I felt stupid for not knowing. 

"Anyway, as our success grew, our relationship only got stronger. We were each other's rocks, and at first that was okay. We were never explicit in public about our relationship, never any kissing or hand holding or anything like that, but we just acted ourselves, minus the touching. When we left the X Factor and signed with our record company, things really began to become strict. Harry and I have slowly had to reel our relationship back in, because our management thinks that it's going to affect our fanbase."

"It kills both of us, Eleanor. But we have to think about the other three members of our band, too. The band is not just Harry and I. If it were, we would gladly give up our fame to be together. But it's not that easy. I wish it was, but it's just not. We have three other band members to worry about, and if concealing our relationship helps keep them happy and keep us famous, then that's what we have to do."

After his speech, I said the first thing that came to my mind. "That's absurd."

He replied with, "I know, but we have no other choice." 

"Bullshit you don't, Louis. Your fans are not going to care if you and Harry are together or not. The whole thing is ridiculous." 

"If Harry and I were to come out," he defended, "our management thinks it would kill the boyband persona that all five of us have worked so hard to create. It's a marketability thing, Eleanor. they say boybands are not supposed to be gay. It kills the image; they tell us that it will kill the lust that keeps girls fawning over us. They tell us that if Harry and I want to be together, we have to do it in secrecy, or we can't be in the band anymore." 

His eyes looked so sad as he tried to plead his case and expalin to me. As he spoke, for some reason unknown to me I had the overwhelming urge to help him. Maybe it was the way he spoke of Harry, or the saddness in his eyes, or the way that I could hear the heartbreak in his voice. I wasn't sure. 

"Louis, this is crazy." I told him. 

"Management thinks people are starting to find out, and they think that creating a cover story of a girlfriend will stop the rumors. And you need the money, don't you? It won't be easy.. but please, Eleanor, you are the last hope for Harry and I to be together. Even if it is in secrecy. This way, we can be together, and stay in the band." 

"You and Harry shouldn't have to hide," I whispered to him. It was now almost 6. "It's not right." 

He nodded in agreement and turned away from me briefly, I think to wipe a tear from his eye. "I know it's not, but it's the only way." 

"Why can't you tell them to fuck off? To go screw themselves? Do your other band members know?Don't they care how much it's hurting you?" 

"It's not that easy, Eleanor! We're under a contract. We can't leave. If we do, we fuck over our whole band. Of course our other band members know, but there is no other way. We're trapped in this contract for four more years. This is the only way, Eleanor, trust me when I say that. I have gone over every scenario in my head a thousand times trying to find a loophole, a way to let Harry and I live freely and keep the band together. But there's no way. I wouldn't be asking you to do this if I thought there was another way." 

I took into consideration his confession. He did a much better job of explaining this than Joe had done earlier. I was glad that I had come to meet him. And then, journal, I did something that may have been the stupidest and craziest thing I have ever done in my life. 

I couldn't tell you if it was his sad eyes, his drained face, his sunken composure, or all three of those things put together, but as we both stood up to leave and he told me to "think about it more seriously now that I know the whole story", something ridiculous crashed over me in a wave of spontaneity and as I watched him walk away, slowly and sadly, I blurted out something I will probably come to regret. 

"I'll do it." I stated quickly, because I was afraid that I would change my mind if I had time to go home and think about it. I just knew in that moment that I wanted to help those poor boys. 

He stopped in his tracks and slowly turned around to me, as I stood there motionless. Before I could say anything else or move at all, he bolted over to where I stood and wrapped me in a tight, friendly, warm hug. He whispered, "Thank you," into my ear, and behind him I noticed a few people with cameras taking our picture already. 

I don't know what I've gotten myself into. 

Eleanor x


	5. Journal Entry 3

August 21st - 22nd, 2011

Sorry for not updating, but the day after I spoke with Louis and (stupidly) told him I would help him, I had to call Joe and tell him my decision. I think he was more than pleased. However, that day was pretty uneventful, and so I chose to sum up that day and also today in one entry: 

August 21st: I called Joe and told him I had agreed to help Louis. I purposely left out the fact that Louis and I had met at the park the day before, because Louis seemed to think that we shouldn't have met at all. Between you and me, I'm so glad we did. That day we pretty uneventful. It wasn't until the next day, when Joe wanted me to meet up with him, that things got interesting. 

August 22nd: I made my way to Joe's office today, and this time I didn't get lost! That was probably the highlight of my day. It didn't get much better from there. 

Upon arriving, I was greeted by Joe, Louis, and three other boys, who I assumed were the other members of the band. I was right. But Harry was nowhere to be found. Joe thanked me again and again for agreeing to help the boys, and each time it grated on my nerves a little more. I don't know if this guy was behind the idea of creating a false relationship, but he seemed to be overly excited about it, and that bothered me. He re-introduced me to Louis, (trying to be funny and introducing him as my boyfriend), and that made me like him even less. This man is very tasteless, to say the least. Then he introduced me to three boys: Niall, Liam, and Zayn. The three boys looked extremely young, but they were handsome nonetheless. They were very polite, but the awkward tension in the room coudn't even have been cut with a knife. A tree axe, maybe. 

We all sat around and I introduced myself as Eleanor, and they all greeted me with warm smiles. It was then that we got right into background information, pay rate, and future plans. 

We sat at a large oak table, all six of us, and Joe handed me and the boys (minus Harry, still) a packet full of information. It was about 10 pages long, and it seemed crazy to me that this had been put together in such a short amount of time. Joe wasn't kidding when they said they needed to start work as soon as possible. 

The first page of the packet held the background story on it. i was amazed at how intricate every single detail was planned out. I read through it on my own. According to Joe, this is how Louis and I met: Harry had decided to meet up with an old friend from home while on a break, and Louis tagged along. I, apparently, tagged along with the friend that Harry knew, and on that day Louis and I met. The page contained names, dates, times, etc, but I won't bore you with that. 

Upon reading Harry's name, I finally got the courage to ask where he was. 

"He's.. sick." Liam answered, and I looked to Louis for confirmation. He met my gaze with a look of desolation, telling me that Harry wasn't really sick at all. Well, not physically at least. I'm sure he was sick emotionally and mentally. 

I quickly shut up about Harry at that point. 

The next page of the packet was in my packet only. It was my payrate. Looking at the numbers, I was shocked. Joe must have seen my expression, because he began to explain.

"We don't take this lightly, Eleanor, and we want to make sure that you are getting everything you can out of it. We know how hard this is going to be for you - you are going to be uprooting your entire life. It will not be easy, and therefore, your pay is quite large. It's our way of thanking you for all you've agreed to do for us."

I think that was the only sincere thing I'd ever heard him say. 

"In addition, for every extra opportunity, like kissing Louis in public, posting on social media about him, things like that, you will get a £100 bonus."

And just like that, he was back to being insincere. A £100 bonus for every unnecessary interaction? Can you believe that? It almost makes me sick. 

The next pages of the packet were filled with places, times, and dates that Louis and I were to be together for the next six months. At the end of the calendar, a little note at the bottom read "*subject to change*" and it made me wonder just how drastically my life was actually going to change. I really hadn't thought this through clearly.

I kept stealing glances at Louis the whole meeting through, and he kept trying to give me consolation smiles to make me feel less awkward. It hardly worked, though. 

"Go home and study this background information. All of your person information is real, but we all need to make sure our stories match and line up. We will come back tomorrow, where you will all be asked a series of questions, individually, to make sure that your answers are the same." 

I looked at the other three boys at the table and they all had the same look on their face: disappointment. I wondered if I was doing the right thing by doing this. 

As we exited to leave, Joe called my name and had me sit down at the table with him. He told me there was a contract that needed to be signed, and the lawyer would be with us shortly. 

I watched as Joe crinkled his nose when looking over the contract, making sure everything was in its place. He rubbed his temples and scratched at his close-shaven beard a few times, too. I picked at my cuticles as I waited, contemplating whether or not I was doing the right thing. 

The lawyer came in and talked to me, althought I didn't understand what she was saying. What I got out of the conversation was this: the contract was good for two years, and after the contract ended, it would be up to management to renew it or decide to break off the "relationship." 

Two years. I would be 21 by then. As she continued to talk, I had a slight internal panic attack, right there at the table. Thoughts of regret and fear washed over my body and I found myself starting to sweat just thinking about being locked into this for the next two years of my life. Two years is a long time. A lot can happen in two years. 

She went on to say that should management decide to renew the contract, I will have the opportunity to decline, but it would be a very 'sticky situation', as she put it. She didn't go into much more detail than that. I guess we'll cross that bridge when we come to it. 

The rest of the conversation was blocked out, as I can only remember focusing on my panic attack and my own thoughts as she continued to speak. At some point, I must have absent-mindedly signed the contract, because before I knew it, I was up, shaking hands with Joe and the lawyer, and heading home.

I'm scared, Journal. I think I have just signed my life away. 

Eleanor x


	6. Journal Entry 4

August 25th, 2011

The past few days have been uneventful. I haven't heard from Joe or Louis about my recent.. job, I suppose, is the correct word to use. Joe had told us upon leaving the day I signed my contract that we would all meet back at the office the next day to test our knowledge, but I got a call from his secretary saying that we would have to reschedule because the boys had an important interview to do in Ireland. so, I've been sitting at home basically, apart from getting things ready for fall semester at uni, and spending some time with my friends. 

I've had a lot of time to start thinking about what exactly I've gotten myself into. Unfortunately, it's too late to back out of. I signed the contract. I should ask Joe for a copy of that, because I really wasn't paying attention to it as the lawyer explained it to me. Just add that to the list of stupid things I've done in the past few days, I guess. 

All this free time wouldn't have been a problem before I met Louis. I actually enjoyed spending time by myself pretty often, it gave me time to decompress and relax. But now, it's only an excuse for me to overthink everything that I've agreed to. Here's what my minds looks like at this point:

20% of my brain is glad that I'm helping these two boys, 10% is confused as to why exactly I decided to help them, 30% of my brain regrets signing up for this charade, and the other 40% is spent trying to convince the 30% to shut up, because I can't change it now. My mind is a hopeless mess. It's a jumbled mess. 

I'm doing the right thing, right? I'm just helping out some friends.. if you can even cal them that. Really, they're just strangers that I met on the street that I, for some reason, feel the need to help. Strangers to whom I agreed to give the next two years of my life to.. to whom I agreed to cover for, come between their relationship, and pretend to be something I'm not for.. what exactly? What am I getting out of this? Oh yeah. A huge paycheck. 

When I read that last part out loud, it seems extremely stupid and crazy. Is that what it will seem like when I tell my family and friends what I've done? Can I even tell my family friends that I'm acting as a cover? Or do I have to keep up the facade, even with them? I don't know. I need to ask Joe these things. 

I guess that's all I really have to say for today. I'm going to watch some TV and try to sort things out - or forget about them - for a little while. I'll let you know if anything happens tomorrow. 

Eleanor x


	7. Journal Entry 5

August 26th, 2011

I got in a lot of trouble yesterday. I'll admit, it was kind of my fault. This whole thing just became pain-stakingly real. 

At around 7 o'clock last night, I got a call from Joe. He didn't say much, but that I needed to come to his office immediately. I was a little angry that he thought he could just call me on cue and demand that I do things for him, but I realized that that's what I signed up for and had no choice but to obey to him. 

When I got to his office, the receptionist didn't say a word, but pointed directly to Joe's office, signaling for me to let myself in. (I also made a mental goal to get that woman to talk to me some day, because I can't stand when people don't like me). 

I walked into the room and the scene was very tense. I could see Joe sitting behind his desk, rubbing his eyes in a tiresome way. Louis was seated on the opposite side of the delicate glass desk with his head hanging down in a defeated manner. I walked cautiously into the room, afraid of what I had been called in there for. Geppetto (that's what I've decided to nickname Joe, because he is the puppet master of One Direction) looked up from his spot and motioned for me to have a seat next to Louis. I have to admit, I was scared. The look on Louis' face was enough to tell me that something was definitely wrong. 

Without saying a word, Geppetto placed in front of me the latest issue of OK! magazine. He flipped through the pages and landed on one with an assortment of pictures of various celebrities and random captions. Nervously, I picked up the magazine and scanned the page. Pictures of Simon Cowell, Justin Bieber, Taylor Swift and... me? And Louis? Is that me? What the hell am I doing in this magazine? My mouth fell agape and I looked at Louis, hoping to get some sort of clarification. He kept his focus on the ground.

I looked back at the image on the page and read what the little paragraph underneath had to say. This is what it read:

"Louis Tomlinson of the popular boyband One Direction was spotted on August 20th with a friend at a park just outside of Manchester. The two seemed deep in conversation and exchanged a friendly hug upon leaving the area, seperately. Don't worry, everybody, Louis seems to be very single still!'

I pursed my lips together tightly because I now understood why Joe had called me in. I also understood why Louis was staring at the ground the whole time, because I was now doing the same thing. We must have looked like little children getting in trouble by their parents. 

"Do you want to tell me what the hell this is all about?" Joe asked sternly. 

Neither Louis nor I answered. Joe stood up from his desk at that point and slammed down the magazine, for dramatic effect, I'm guessing. And it certainly did the job. I jumped slightly in my seat as he slammed the magazine and I heard the booklet smack against the glass of the surface. The force of his hit made the table shake a little. 

Still standing, he continued to scold us. "What the hell were you two thinking, going out in public without consulting me? That is not how this is going to work! Louis," he said sharply. "Look at me."

I peered over at Louis from the corner of my eye and watched him lift his head up slowly. 

"Do you want your career to be over?" 

Louis shook his head.

"Do you want to lose all of your fans?" 

Louis shook his head.

"Do you want me to help you pull this thing off?"

Louis nodded. 

"Then you can't go pulling shit like this, Lou! You know better than that! And now," Geppetto let out a huge huff and walked around the desk, standing directly between Louis and I. He put a hand on each of our shoulders. The contact made me shiver. I was becoming less and less fond of this man, and his blow up didn't help matters. "Now, the tabloids have their first pictures of you, and to make matters worse, they're calling you friends!" He put his hands behind his back and paced around to the front of his desk again, walking back and forth frantically. 

"I wasn't planning on going public with this for a few more weeks, we need more time to prepare." I couldn't tell if he was talking to us or himself. He stopped pacing and turned to both of us, placing both hands on his desk, leaning a little closer to us. "Can I trust you two not to do anything else of this sort until we actually go public, or do I need to hire a babysitter for each of you until then?" Two things about this made me cringe: the fact that he kept referring to the fakelationship as "we", incluidng himself in that, and the condescending and mocking tone he used when he said the word 'babysitter.' 

Louis and I both muttered something along the lines of "you can trust us," still looking at the ground. 

"I hope so," Geppetto spat at us. "I don't want any contact of any sort unless you are here, with me, until Niall's birthday party on September 14th. Do I make myself clear?" 

For a minute I wondered what Joe would honestly do if we chose to disobey, but I quickly decided I didn't want to find out. 

Joe shooed us out of his office at that point, but told Louis to wait around for a while after I left, so no pictures would come of us leaving together. He even told me to use the back entrance, just in case. 

Despite Joe's threatening words, Louis stopped me on my way out and we exchanged phone numbers. I also asked him for Harry's. 

That was last night. And I've had Harry's number punched into my phone ever since. I want to call him. I want to explain to him that I'm not an enemy. I can't decide if that's the right thing to do or not. That seems to be happening too often these days. 

Eleanor x


	8. Journal Entry 6

August 31st, 2011

I haven't had any contact with Louis or Joe or anybody relating to my new job since last week. I decided it was best to obey Joe's rules, no matter how irritating they were.

It's been five days since my last interaction with any of them, and for five days I've been debating whether or not to call Harry. The situation is.. delicate, and I don't want to make things worse. I've made up a best and worst cas scenario and, here's what I have so far:

Best case: He stops hating me, he can be around me, I won't feel guilty, we become friends even. Maybe Louis, him and I can even all hang out together?

Worst case: I call him, he cusses me out, hates me even more, and he still can't be around me with Louis.

I don't know what to do. I want the best case scenario, but I'm not stupid. I can't imagine what Harry is feeling. Screw it. I'm just gonna call him. The worst that could happen is that things stay exactly how they are, right?

Okay. I'm gonna call.

***

I called Harry. Things went... okay. I don't know if we resolved anything, but we definitely didn't hurt anything. He didn't understand what I was calling for at first. I told him that I wanted to make sure he was okay. That seemed to confuse him, if anything. I guess he isn't used to people wondering how he's doing except Louis.

I told him that I didn't think it was right, what Joe is making them do. He asked why I agreed to do it then, and I didn't have an answer for him. I'm still not sure why I agreed to do this. The emotional turmoil is already starting to wear me down.

And then, something I wasn't expecting happened. He thanked me. He thanked me for being strong enough to take on the pressure of covering this up for them, and he thanked me for helping them. He thanked me for everything I was going to be doing for he and Louis. He said that they loved each other so much, and this was the only way they could be together and stay in the band, and it was because of me that this was possible. I can't explain where it came from, but I started to cry.

I started thinking about how much he and Louis must love each other to go through something so horrible just to be together. And then I thought about how I was actually helping them be together, instead of apart, and that made me feel better than I have since I signed the contract. I always thought of my part as hurting the boys, when really, I was helping them be together per Joe's request.

We didn't decide to be friends, or hang out, or even speak on a regular basis, but we're okay now. Just okay. And I'm so relieved.

I was looking through the packet that Joe gave me on the day we signed the contract, and my first appearance with Louis is in about two weeks, at Niall's 18th birthday party. I'm really nervous, because this will be my first time ever going public with Louis, and if this doesn't go well, then our whole charade comes crashing down.

But no pressure, right?

I haven't decided what exactly I'm going to wear yet. Maybe I'll go shopping with my friends this week. But what if they ask what I'm shopping for? I still haven't figured out if I can tell anyone about my new life. But then again, how can it be realistic if nobody close me knows? Maybe that will be my argument to Joe.

Even if I can tell anyone, what if they don't understand? I know I'm writing a lot of questions and that seems silly, but this will be a good reference for later when I forget everything I've just thought about.

What is my mother going to say? My best friend? Will I have to meet Louis' family? Will be have to meet mine? What about Harry's family? Will they be in on it? Do the other boys have real girlfriends, and if so, will they be in on it? Or will they think I'm really his girlfriend?

These are all things that I guess I really haven't thought about until right now, and I swear, everyday it becomes more and more clear how crazy this is and just how much I'm going to have to live a lie.

Eleanor x


	9. Journal Entry 7

September 6th, 2011

Today I went shopping with Max and Alana for Niall's birthday party, which they don't know about yet. Yesterday, I met with Joe, and I asked him all the question from my last entry. Here's what he had to say:

We all met up yesterday at the office to make sure everyone had our story straight. Everyone was there: Louis, Harry (surprisingly), Liam, Niall, Zayn, and myself. Despite the phone call Harry and I shared, things weren't different when we were there. He still wouldn't look at me, but I somehow felt better about it. I knew he was just in pain, and that it wasn't my fault. I knew I was just trying to help, and that made me feel a little better, although I don't know that it should have.

Anyway, Joe fired us with question after question about mine and Louis' relationship, and everybody passed his test. I guess we've all been doing our homework. At the end of the meeting, when everyone was quietly chatting at the table and Joe was answering emails on his phone, I spoke up.

"Joe?" I asked, slightly nervous. He looked up from his phone and set it down on the table.

"Something wrong, El?" I didn't like that he had started to call me El. But, he was my boss, after all.

"I just.. I have a few questions for you."

"Fire away."

I proceeded to ask if I was able to tell any of my family members, friends, etc, and if anyone outside the people in this room would know of the fakelationship Louis and I shared.

"No." Was all Joe said.

"No?" I repeated back to him, somewhat shocked that he answered so quickly and decisively.

"Absolutely not." He stated again, even more decisively than the first time if that' even possible. He looked down at his phone at that point again, and I exchanged a glance with Louis. It was a sympathetic one from him, and a worried one from me. The rest of the boys had their eyes on me as well, with the same look as Louis had. Except Harry. Harry sat two seats down from me, in the seat next to Louis, staring at the table the whole time, with one hand on his lap and one hand intertwined with Louis'.

I cleared my throat to get Joe's attention again. He looked up. "Was I not clear?" His tone was sharp and rude.

"I just.. I thought that.." I started to speak but he cut me off.

"Listen, honey, nobody besides the six of you and myself are to know about this relationship. If you go around telling people, then how are we to be sure that no one is going to leak the news? You can't tell your friends, your family, nobody. Everyone in your life is to believe that this is the real thing." He then looked at the other boys. "That goes for all of you as well."

I watched as the boys nodded in understanding like a line of robots.

I turned to them then at that point. "You are all willing to lie to your friends, your family, your potential future girlfriends, because Joe says so?"

"No," Liam answered quickly. "We are willing to lie to everyone.." he looked at Harry and Louis then and Niall finished his though.

"We are willilng to lie to everyone so that Harry and Louis can be together."

I think I could feel my heart break at that moment in time, and I'm not sure if it was the realization of the depth of the situation or the realization of how much these boys each cared for each other that made it happen.

We all were silent then, and out of the corner of my eye I saw Louis squeeze Harry's hand harder, and I swear I saw a tear fall down Harry's face.

I left the meeting with a mix of emotoins, and that seems to be happening a lot lately.

Today, when I went shopping with Max and Lani, I didn't mention Louis to them yet. I was still trying to figure out how to tell them. I'm not very confident in my ability to act, and I guess in a way that's what I have to do now. I just needed some time to figure out how to act or what to say.

I watched them laugh and joke today and I tried to do the same with them, but the only thing in the back of my mind was the voice calling me a liar.

I guess that's what I am now, huh? A liar, fighting for a love that isn't even mine.

Eleanor x


	10. Journal Entry 8

September 17th, 2011

I haven't written a lot in here. My thoughts come all jumbled up now a days and I can't seem to even find the energy to try and sort through them. But so much has happened in the last few days, I can't hold it in any longer. I don't know what to make of any of this, and I'm scared of where this is going to take me.

A couple of days ago, Louis and I went 'public.' It was the first time we had ever been photographed together or seen together out, and it was very confusing, nerve wracking, and chaotic. It was Niall's 18th birthday party.

I don't know any of the boys all that well, but I had to pretend like I did. I had to pretend like Louis and I were close enough to go public with our fakelationship, and I had to pretend like I was close enough with the rest of the boys to be at Niall's party. It was very awkward, but I hope that it didn't come off that way. I hope I looked okay, because I don't want any trouble.

All of the boys were there, except for one. When I arrived, I had assumed that they all would be there. The night wasn't supposed to be about me, it was Niall's party. But I guess in a way, it was the Louis and Eleanor coming out party instead. Still, I had expected Harry to be there. It was Niall's 18th party, for God's sake. But he was absent. Where he was, I had no idea. I asked Louis at one point.

"Where is Harry?" I whispered to him between photographs and publicity stunts. With a smile plastered on his face, he leaned into me.

"At home." And planted a soft kiss on my cheek. I smiled for a minute at him, our facial expressions showing one emotion, but our eyes exchanging another. "Don't worry. He's okay." He told me and left it at that.

But I didn't believe it. I didn't believe Harry was okay, and I wasn't sure if Louis was either. I guess Louis was just a better liar. I met one of the boys' girlfriends as well. Her name is Danielle, and she's really nice. The whole time I was talking to her I couldn't help feeling guilty though. She had no idea that I was a phony. I tried my best to push that thought to the back of my mind, but it kept pestering it's way to the front throughout the entire night. For that reason, I tried to avoid interacting with anybody much. I smiled and listened, but having conversations was proving to be a bit too much.

Louis was really great and keeping me calm. He held me hand through the night, a friendly gesture that had a romantic shield on it. Louis and I knew that the skin to skin contact was just a way for us to comfort one another, but the idea was for it to look more romantic than that. Based on the articles that were all over the internet today, I guess it worked.

Louis snuck off once or twice during the night. He had to go call Harry, to make sure he was okay. I wasn't bothered much by it; it was the least I could do for the pair. During those times, I kept to myself or hung out around the other boys, who knew my secret. I didn't feel so guilty around them. I don't know how they can go on living this lie either. It would probably do me good to talk to them about it.

By the end of the night, it looked like Niall had a great birthday. I was glad for that. I truly wanted him to. I didn't want to take away from that.

The next few days were quiet, until this morning. At around 11, I got a call from Louis.

"Did you see?" He asked through the receiver.

"See what?" I asked as I poured myself another cup of coffee.

"The articles.. they're everywhere."

"Already?"

It was hard to believe that our fakelationship was already taking off. It seemed like just yesterday that I even agreed to this crazy charade.

"Already." He confirmed for me. A muffled conversation came from the other side of the phone. "Yeah, it's her. Harry.. come back." A loud slam and a large sigh followed his conversation.

"He's mad." I stated, rather than asked. I could tell.

"He's not mad at you." Louis tried to help.

"He's mad at the situation."

"Yes." Another audible sigh came from his end. "I better go, Harry needs.."

"Go," I told him. "I'll check out the articles online."

"Okay. Oh, and before I forget, Joe wants us to go on a movie date tonight."

"Okay." Was all I could say.

"I'll pick you up at 7 then."

"See you at 7."

The line went dead, and I let the phone fall out of my hands. My chest felt tight and I could feel the emotion behind my eyes fighting to push its way out. I sat with my head in my hands for a long while, trying to breathe and not fall apart. I can't even imagine what Harry is going through. I even tried to put myself in his shoes, but I couldn't. I couldn't do that. I would lose the will to live.

I wonder if that's what I'm doing to Harry. Taking away his will to live. If he can't love, what is there left to live for?

These are the types of thoughts that invade my mind everyday. I guess I just have to remember that what I'm doing is helping them as much as it is hurting him. I have to keep telling myself that, or I will lose my own will to live.

Eleanor x

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Link to the first Elounor article, published on September 17th, 2011: http://www.digitalspy.com/celebrity/news/a340885/one-directions-louis-tomlinson-dating-model-eleanor-calder.html


	11. Journal Entry 9

October 2nd, 2011

I'm not exactly sure what happened today. All I know is that Joe is angry. For once, he's not angry with me. Louis took to social media today to silently but blantantly talk about his relationship with Harry. People took it as a joke, but those who know, know it wasn't. And Joe is one of those people. 

After Niall's birthday party, Harry lost it. Louis and I had our movie date on the 17th of September, and since then it's been pretty low key. Joe says it's allowing people to let the image of "Louis and Eleanor" sink in. I think that it's because Harry is having a more difficult time than we thought dealing with this. 

Although I haven't really been out in public with Louis as of late, we talk almost everyday. I don't know how Harry feels about this. I don't think he realizes that half of the reason I'm talking to Louis is to make sure that he's okay. I hope he's okay. From what I hear over the phone, he's not. 

Louis says Harry has been drinking a lot. I don't know exactly what constitutes as "a lot", but if Louis says he's concerned, I suppose most of us should be. Sometimes I wonder if I should go and talk to Harry, try and help him, but then I remember that I am the cause of this, and I wouldn't be of any help.

If I ever tried to tell Louis that I felt I was to blame, he would call me ridiculous. He insists that I'm helping them, and for a while I thought that I was, too. But after Niall's party.. after seeing how much lying is actually going to be involved in this fakelationship.. I'm worried. I'm worried about my well being, about Harry's, about Louis', about the other band members... I'm not the only one this is affecting, but I seem to be the only reason for the problem. I shouldn't have accepted the offer.

And yet, whenever I think of Louis and his sad eyes, pleading with me to help, it seems that I never really had a choice. 

Anyway, when I talked to Louis today, he seemed more upset than usual. I asked him what was the matter, but he kept brushing it off as nothing. I could hear Harry in the background, a mixture of cries and screams at Louis, and each time, I could hear it break Louis down a little more. Part of me was mad at Harry. This isn't Louis' fault. Louis needs Harry to be there for him more than anything, and all Harry can do is be angry. Although, if I were in the situation, I think I would be angry too.

It's jumbled thoughts like this that cloud my mind all the time. Sometimes I think I understand something, or I think I feel something, and then another part of me feels the opposite. I'm a walking hypocrite. I can't agree with myself on anything at all. Life is hard, journal, and sometimes I think I made it harder than it should have been. 

I should be concerned with my classes right now. I should be worried about my grades and my friends and maybe even getting a real boyfriend. But instead, my life has been consumed by this falsehood that I can't escape no matter where I turn. I can't escape it from my mind, I can't escape it in front of my friends, I can't escape it around Louis, so where do I go to find solace? Everywhere I turn is turmoil about the decision I made weeks ago. The only escape I ever have is sleep, and so I sleep a lot. 

So Louis mumbled something to me on our brief conversation about how Joe wanted today to be our "official anniversary." Louis didn't like that very much. He hung up shortly after that, and, as I said before, took to social media to apparently let out his frustrations and perhaps comfort Harry.

He tweeted, "Always in my heart, Harry Styles. Yours truly, Louis." 

I didn't have time to read through every detail of the contract, but I'm pretty positive that that is something not allowed. His fans, I'm sure, thought of it as a joke. But I know better. And Joe knows better.

I've also noticed that there are a few people who don't believe the "Louis and Eleanor" facade. They full heartedly believe that Louis and Harry are in a relationship, even with Louis and I going out in public. Part of me wants to thank them for that. I think those fans should be the ones Louis and Harry focus on. 

Part of that also scares me, though. My job is to convince people we're in a relationship, and if there are still people who don't think so out there, am I not doing a good enough job? This whole thing is more stressful than I had ever realized. 

Harry also took to twitter to indirectly make a jab at Joe, and possibly me and Louis. He retweeted a fans tweet saying, 

"If Louis is happy with Eleanor, then so am I. But spare a thought for Harry, he's probably got a broken heart." 

I find it incredible how perceptive the fans of these boys are. They're right. He does have a broken heart. But if they're so perceptive, and at this stage let alone, do I really have a chance of ever convincing them I am in love witih Louis? That will be the most difficult part of all of this. Forget the fame, the lies, the pain - if I can't convince the people who I need to convince the most that this is real, what is any of the lies or pain worth? 

Eleanor x


End file.
